Jacob
Josiah
When we got home, my mama had decorated our house for us
Ok, here is where the fun begins....
When we got home I was already exhausted. From my pain meds, no sleep at the hospital, and just having surgery. I was ready to be in my own bed. The boys had to be syringe fed the first 2 days of being home. It was the only way that we could get them to eat. It took a LONG time to get them to take a bottle, especially Josiah.
Here is me feeding Josiah and Jonathan feeding Jacob. Lots of practice!
They were so small I was afraid to pick them up because they were fragile. They loved being swaddled and cuddled. They loved nothing more than to sleep with me cuddled on a pillow. It's how we did it at the hospital and it continued when we got home. This was a problem because they would not sleep anywhere else but with me. We tried the Pack and Play but it didn't work.
The first week was a big blur. It went by fast but I do remember how hard it was. I remember trying to learn just how to take care of them. They ate every 2 hours and sometimes we couldn't get Josiah to eat. I cried all the time from being so tired. I didn't know how to function. Here is the thing about twins that NO ONE will understand unless you have twins yourself. When one cries in the middle of the night, you go take care of that baby and feed it. But then your husband is going to be up right after you to feed the next one. By the time you get done feeding, changing, burping and getting your baby back to sleep, its time to get up again to feed 2 hours later. But don't forget how long it sometimes takes you to go back to sleep after being awake. You keep hearing noises and wonder if they are waking up again. The reason why I have said that people don't need to complain about one baby is because with one, you and your husband can take turns with night feedings. With twins, you BOTH have go get up and you BOTH lose more sleep than anyone can imagine. There was no break. A constant battle of trying to get sleep. My family would come during the day to try and give me a break and let me sleep, but I self consciously couldn't because the moment I heard one cry, it would freak me out and make me nervous. Family would come over to purposely let me take naps and try and sleep, but it was too hard. I would even turn my fan up as loud as it would go so that I could not hear their cries, but when I did I immediately woke up and needed to go check on them. I was a nervous wreck. I felt that no one could take good care of them but me and my husband. I know that they could, but it was my way of thinking. My sweet mama and aunt took a few night shifts for us so that we could get some sleep. I think that was the best part!
Such small little boys
I went through a huge amount of post pardon depression the first 6 weeks. I cried every single day. Hysterically. I could cry if I spilt my glass of water or if something stupid happened that didn't even matter. I tried my best to calm down and relax but it never worked. The first week home I even got a major rash on my body. It was terrible. It started out small and then spread all over my body like hives. Turns out that I was allergic to my pain killer. It got so bad that I was 10x more miserable. Yet another reason I could not sleep at night.
Mother's Day was the worst. The night before, Jacob was up ALL night and refused to sleep. We got 3 hours of sleep that night. The bad part was that we had to take them to the baby dedication at church that morning. It went great, but by the time the afternoon came, I was so miserable I just wanted to crash. We got home that day and one of the babies would not stop crying. I didn't have the energy to deal with it so I went into my bathroom and cried for 1 hour. Not cried, sobbed. I'm sure my neighbors could hear me. I was exhausted. I cried forever and didn't stop for a very long time. I was so sleep deprived. Like I said, there is no trading off with the night shift. Both parents have to get up to help. Twins are more work than I can explain. The crying continued everyday. I didn't even know how to smile anymore. I loved those babies more than anything, but I was begging God to please grant us some sleep so that I could handle the twins. If I could just get some sleep, I could make this work.
Finally to try and save my sanity, I tried to rotate their feedings. It is really hard to bottle feed twins when you are ALONE. I had family but if you know me personally, I am one of those people who loves company, but I also really like to be alone. I didn't want to ask for help and I wanted to learn how to care for them on my own while Jonathan was at work. I had no choice but to learn. I tried feeding them in many different positions, and I finally found that propped up pillows were the only way to go. Its how I had to feed them. It is HARD. It's hard because one baby needs to burp so you have to stop feeding both of them and then the other begins to scream. Then one has milk dripping from them so you have to stop feeding both of them and take care of that baby. Then you have to get them to latch back onto the bottle and with preemies, it was hard. I was so frustrated at doing this, I decided to just feed them at separate times. BIG MISTAKE. I tried this for 2 weeks and I almost went 2x more insane by getting them off a schedule. The reason was by the time one got done feeding and you got that baby to sleep, the other baby was up wanting to feed and then you had to get that baby to sleep. By the time you did, the other baby was awake and hungry again. A never ending story which meant NO sleep and NO time to do anything. I was going insane. That's when I decided to listen to everyone who had twins and stick with the scheduling. Its the only way to survive with twins. Feed them at the same time and do everything at the same time, or else go completely insane.
This is how I feed them even to this day when I am alone
So, we stuck with the scheduling and I learned to cope with feeding them on pillows during every feeding while I was alone. I prayed A LOT during this time. I mainly prayed for sleep and for the Lord to grant me the energy and the peace to raise these twins. I told God I didn't know how I could do it without his strength. Philippians 4:13 ran through my mind all day everyday. "I can do all things through God who gives me strength." I asked God to please give me the strength to survive because I didn't know how I was going to make it anymore.
Ok, now that you have heard all the negative, let me get to the good stuff. :)
I LOVE those boys and though they were hard to take care of, I loved to be with them. They were my gift from the Lord.
6 1/2 weeks after the boys were born, God decided it was time to answer my prayer. We put the boys to sleep one night in their crib like we always did, and they didn't wake up for 7 hours. I woke up in a frantic because they had not cried to eat and I ran to their room to make sure they were o.k. There they were, sound asleep. I was in shock. 7 hours????!!!! I just had 7 hours of sleep! I was getting 3-4 a night and I just got 7???? PRAISE JESUS!!
Then, magically, it happened every night after that. In the beginning it was 5-7...then it was 7-8 hours. Here we are, 3 months in, and my boys sleep 7-8 hours every night. We have had maybe 5 nights where they have woken up due to growth sprits or not feeling well, but we are getting sleep!
We decided to take the Baby Wise advice and do a strict routine with the boys, and we honestly believe this is why it helped. Every night around 9:15 we bathe our babies, lotion them up with lavender night time lotion, put their pajamas on, give them their bottle, burp them, swaddle them, and then put them to bed with their night light and song. They usually sleep every night until 6:15 am. This has been the biggest blessing we could have asked for!!! Since then, the crying has stopped and I feel like a human again. I have been able to enjoy being with them and learning how to be a mom.
Twins are so much work but yet so cool because who all gets to say they grew 2 babies at once?! This post is just about the beginning of life with the twins. My next will be all about them growing the past few months. :)
More posts to come soon on life with the twins. :)
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