I felt like it was time to go ahead and share my recent
struggles with the boys that we have been dealing with. Most of my close
friends and family know, but others don’t. I guess I am writing this so that
people will quit asking me questions that I cannot answer and explaining their
situation anytime meal times comes up.
Back when the boys ate baby food and it was time to move onto
the next stage of “chunky” baby food with textured fruit, we noticed that the
boys hated it. We bought all different kinds of textured baby foods and tried
to get them to eat it. They would see the chunky and turn their heads away or
they would taste it and spit it out. I didn’t worry at the time because I just
figured that it was new and that they would get used to it. Then all of a
sudden, they started hating baby food from a spoon. It is like they knew that
chunks were going to be in it. I still didn’t worry because they didn’t have
all of their teeth yet so I just let it go. As more and more teeth came in, we
started offering more solid foods for them to eat. They loved puffs and gold
fish crackers, but when we gave them green beans or pieces of soft meat, they
would turn away from it and throw it on the floor. It bothered me so I talked
to their doctor about it. He told me not to worry and that usually babies start
eating those more solid foods when their molars came in. So again, I didn’t
worry about it. We quickly began noticing at their 1 year mark that they still
didn’t want foods that were “table foods” such as chicken, green beans, fruits,
vegetables, meats, etc. They just wanted to eat from pouches of fruits and
vegetables and crackers and such. I began to get concerned, especially because
at their birthday part, they were the only kids I knew of that didn’t want to
just devour their birthday cake. In fact, they didn’t even want to touch it and
got mad at us for squishing their hands into the cake. They hated every bit of
it. By 14 months, I had enough. My mother instincts told me that something
wasn’t right. All of the kids their ages were eating table foods. At least some
kind of table food. I wasn’t asking for them to be the best eaters, but can
they give me SOMETHING that they like other than a pouch????
I then asked the doctor what I needed to do. He told me that
it sounded like the boys may have had a sensory issue. He referred us to Babies
Can’t Wait of Georgia and see if they could qualify for food therapy services.
I felt so strange and was so frustrated that they wouldn’t eat like other kids.
I can’t tell you how often I cried over it. Especially seeing all of the other
kids eating away at table food, and here I am just feeding them “junk”. We went
through a lot of paper work and evaluations and in the end, the boys did
quality for OT services. It was very obvious to the OT that they has a sensory
processing issue.
I still cried, still got frustrated and caused a lot of stress
in our marriage because I dwelled so much on the fact that the boys wouldn’t
eat like normal kids their age. I felt sick and just couldn’t get over the fact
that my kids were not like other kids. They just wouldn’t eat normal foods. We
have to pack pouches for them to take to school each day and are the only kids
in their class that don’t eat what is provided for lunch. It is embarrassing.
The worst part of all of this is the conversations and remarks
I get from people about this issue. I have gotten comments from, “Oh that is so
strange, I have never heard of a child having that problem.” To, “That’s all
that they are going to eat for dinner? A pouch and some crackers? Won’t you
offer them something else to eat?” Or,
“You have got to just let them be hungry and they will eat. You can’t let them
eat like this forever, it is not good for them.” I have even been made to feel
foolish by family members and friends that we have not tried harder to get them
to eat table foods, making me feel even worse and cry before bed like I am a
terrible mother. It has been a very unpleasant experience.
And in case you are wondering, we have tried many techniques
to get them to eat table foods. A few times, a mean mother I was, I didn’t
offer them any type of food for over 3 hours, just hoping that they would be so
hungry that when I offered them table food they would eat it. They screamed and
cried and pitched a fit for a whole hour. I even took them out of their seats
to let them know if they couldn’t eat what was put in front of them, then they
were not going to eat at all. Each time that I did this, it only made the
situation worse. They would have rather cried all day than eat what I offered.
After a few days of trying this and hearing all the screaming, I couldn’t take
it anymore. They boys would even go to bed and cry at night (something they
never do) because they were so hungry.
Their teacher at school even called to tell me that they wouldn’t sleep
at nap time because they were hungry. I cried even more that I was making them
so hungry, and how the pressures of other people’s judgement had kept me from
feeding my kids and making their bellies full. We couldn’t take it any longer
and just went back to what we knew would work and making sure that they were
not hungry. It is amazing how when people make you feel guilty about how you
raise your children, that you are willing to take away your own happiness.
It wasn’t until our wonderful OT started coming to our house
once a week and assured me that we should NEVER let them be hungry. Pressuring kids to eat is the exact opposite
of how to make it happen. She informed me that when we make feeding time
stressful, it only make a bad memory for them and that is the wrong way to get kids
to eat. She also sent me a very long article of a study done with kids on
eating disorders. They also said that forcing kids to eat is not how to make it
happen.
For over a month now we have been working weekly with an OT.
She comes to our house once a week to work with us on textured foods. We do
food play and play with squishy things that are sometimes not even foods.
Josiah is more visual and will look at something that decide it is not for him.
He is our hard baby to get across too. Jacob needs to touch it or taste it to
decide that the food is not right for him. She has already made good progress
with the boys are far as touching foods. Before she came, we couldn’t even get
them to touch foods that were squishy. It will be a long road to eating, but I
know it is coming soon enough.
My doctor made a good point and put things back into
perspective for me. As he listened to me complain and carry on about how
stressful this all is, he made me think and said, “Well you know, I know this
is hard and stressful for you all, but I will make you feel better. I have
parents that come in here with kids who won’t sleep that are their age and they
are begging me for answers. Would you rather have kids who won’t sleep or kids
who won’t eat?”
WOW! Umm…eat!! I remember
the first 7 weeks of their life when they wouldn’t sleep and then the 3 months
of ear infections of no sleep. Those were horrible days. I choose for them to
sleep and not to eat. Haha! Not really, but I guess I do have the better end.
We have to have our sleep. I cannot handle having sleepless nights.
I also heard a story about a child the boy’s age with a brain
tumor. Ever since that story I quit dwelling on their problem. I would much
rather have kids who won’t eat than a child going through cancer treatments. It
put a new perspective for me.
It is a long road ahead but I know one day that they will eat
like normal kids. They also have the pickiest parents in the world so I know
that must have a lot to do with it. So please, save your comments and
suggestions for someone else because we are trying the best that we can. Not
all kids are the same and not all kids are going to eat. I am just blessed that
my babies are healthy and happy. They are growing up so fast and I love when
people brag on how smart they are and how much they understand. I know that
they will be fine.
